This metaphorical volcano has unleashed it’s load

These thoughts are better out than in

This is a safe place to vent

Sometimes I just need to moan

But having purpose, enjoyment & pleasure are just as important too

It’s a trade off

But I’m not cashing in

I don’t have all the answers, no one does, but sometimes I think I need to sacrifice some joy to get an edge – and that’s what I’m doing

And to vent my frustrations

Forget the rhyme

This is about getting stuff out

I don’t care about structure

It’s not my thing

This is a bit all over the place & chaotic (a bit like me)

Good

But sometimes I need it, I don’t know, I’m open to the idea of being less chaotic I suppose – I’ll to try put my poker face back on soon

This reflects a certain mood from a different time of the day

This isn’t what I’m like every single day (I’ve used the word ‘day’ again)

I’ll use the word ‘day’ again here – rule of 3 lad – sorted

I’m feeling like I’m putting so much in for *** not really that *** much of a return

Why do I keep doing it, when will I learn – actually – I’m getting a lot from it

It’s just that we’re in a materialistic world – so I don’t feel like I have too many gains

Actually, I don’t even know anymore, whatever

I keep at it – just to see unoriginality being lorded

And for people to get credit & praise

For just doing what everyone else does

To get their hollow victories but I’m being moody here – so it’ll make sense again later on – it’s part of the game I suppose

That’s the problem with competition – it creates superiority – but it can be healthy when channeled in the right way

It can also be a way of bringing out new ideas, creativity & push us on to better ourselves

Get on this post – it’s about to unlock new levels & new realms (of possibility) – so get around nature – it’ll give you some connection – instead of worrying about perfection (I do like turning to the -ion words don’t I lad)

It’s the same old stuff – even when I win it’s not enough – I just seeing winning in a broader sense these days – I’ll be back to feeling upbeat again later on

That said, this is a sorta an unfiltered stream of consciousness, so actually I do feel satisified after getting mine – or as in my – or after winning or after feeling needed or after having felt noticed, some purpose or appreciation – lad that’s mad that bit – look how boss that looks – jaipur accid that – I’ve just wrote that by mistake – looks trippy that lad – I’m keeping it in – talking about happy accidents eh.

I’m stopping myself here, to remind myself of the praise, appreciation, admiration, acknowledgment, warmth & love (in a broad sense) that I have felt recently

What’s it matter – I’m in a mood here lad

But this edge is part of me – it’s needed at times – as long as it’s channeled right & transferred into positivity (or in to – this is an imperfect post – I am imperfection & that’s why you love me)

Keepin’ it punk mate but it in my own way

Being different is my own game now

It’s a 1 gamer lad

Put down ya controller

I’m taking my ball home lad

I’m not playing

The elite is not attractive to me

It’s ugly

There’s no meaning to it

It’s meaningless

Ok

I just needed to say that

Leave me to feel this way

Sometimes I’m OK, sometimes I do actually want to play

But society needs to stop making people feel so inferior

I don’t care about the top prize

What does it actually mean anyway

The olympic medal positions are underrated

But the world is so greedy – but I’m glad to say that there’s still loads of *** people *** being sound (it originally said peppers, trippy tha t lad))

It needs more love

But I suppose I’ll consider playing the game again

To get ahead

It’s better than feeling like a mug instead

I’ve put so much in to be no where

Well, I’m actually quite far ahead

In some ways

But I think it’s coming together now

I’m grafting really hard

With so much thought

And lots of care

Only to be left feeling utter despair – alright lad, cheer up – you’ll be laughing ya head off again soon – yeah true that

At times anyway

I’m here, there & everywhere

My moaning might be a gift

I’m not one for always having it together

It’s important to let things out

I’m doing brave, daring & rebellious stuff here – why don’t I tell more people that I do this – it’s like I’m too shy to say anything about it

Well, I’ve told some people I write stuff down – suppose that’s a way of hinting at it

I have told some people actually

There’s something funny about being a secret poet – I write all this stuff and some people don’t even know it – or I’m just some lad who writes loads of mad stuff

It’s like a secret underground bar here

So this post may be about one thing, perhaps two things, maybe three things

So many of these things are connected anyway

It could appear to be a bit cheeky, rebellious or mischievous

Possibly a bit naughty too

But it’s really about the importance of letting things out

I’m caring yet daring

Just because I’m a bit charming, jokey & daft doesn’t mean I don’t care

Letting feelings out is definitely a way to ‘win’

Firing out peace, empathy & devotion

It’s raw, ugly & beautiful

All at the same time

This ‘post’ doesn’t have to rhyme in every single line

Metaphorically speaking it’s like a volcano about to explode – but I am consciousness of how important it is to do so responsibly – that or all this is coming out in the moment

Writing stuff down is sometimes like a cheat code

It looks like some lines do rhyme in a sense

This emotion or sensation is absolutely immense

In some ways I’m getting the credit I deserve

It’s even better knowing your worth

Time to give this some edge

I’m not very materialistic but I do want some wedge

I’ll leave it there

Actually I didn’t – of course I didn’t – I went to add more & I’m finding new ways of editing

This was half captured like a beam

Or edited in a stream of conciousness

And partly written consciously

In a way – it’s a bit of everything – it doesn’t necessarily have to be defined

Writing is never finished – well this post might well be now – I like this poetry lark because I can write all sorts in a mad sorta way – it suits me in that sense (in a nonsense no nonsense, nonsensical deliberately contradictary kinda way)

Well

Whatever, this is getting posted now, I’ve edited it loads – hopefully not too much though – it’s imperfect so please allow me some margin for error

So, anyway, this made sense to me anyway

I’m off for a walk – around nature – I wanted to write this before I get in a better mood later

I wanted to capture that moodiness – while it was still there

I’m downloading positivity to my consciousness very soon

I wanted to get all that out – that’s what art can do – it’s an outlet to channel temporary thoughts, frustrations & negativity